If you’ve had a hostile break-up then you’ll know how hard it is to control your emotions. Anger, hurt, resentment, fear, betrayal are but a few of the feelings that come in waves threatening to drown you. In these situations it can be easy to alienate your child against their other parent without realising it:
- Do you insist on there being no mention of your ex’s name around you?
- Do you tell your child, ‘if your dad loved you, he wouldn’t do this and this and this’?
- Do you openly belittle your ex’s lifestyle and interests?
- Has your child over-heard you badmouthing your ex to your friends and family?
- Are you limiting contact between your child and your ex?
- Do you want your child to reject their other parent?
- Do you question your child over your ex’s new life?
- Do you tell your child everything about your relationship with their other parent?
- Do you refuse to speak to your child about their other parent?
If you’ve answered ‘yes’ to any of those questions then you could be accused of parental alienation in court.
Warning!
The family courts, CAFCASS, social services and child psychologists are all in agreement that parental alienation causes emotional harm to the child affected. Causing emotional harm to a child is a form of abuse. If your ex accuses you of parental alienation in court then you are technically being accused of child abuse. Not cool.
While it is mainly mothers that are accused of parental alienation, fathers are guilty of it too. Look out for the signs: maybe your ex showers your child with expensive gifts when you financially struggling, maybe he paints you as boring and disciplined while he is fun and cool. Does he blackmail your child? Make his child feel guilty for living with you? Is there stuff that your child can’t bring home because it has to stay at dads?
Be Mindful…
Prevention is better than cure here. The goal for separating parents is to shield their child from personal conflicts. There is no need to paint your ex in a bad light. If your ex is an irreparable menace then your child will eventually discover that for themselves. Every child has the right to make up their own mind.
It doesn’t matter how or why you and your ex separated, you are both still parents. Connect with the strong woman inside you and be mindful of the way you are handling your feelings. Take back control of your emotions so your ex has no opportunity to accuse you of parental alienation in court.
What would you say to a mum accused of parental alienation?
Leave a comment and let’s chat about it. None of us are legal experts but we can support each other with shared knowledge.
Amazing things can happen when women support each other!
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